Sophie Monk in a bikini

These pics tell an incredible story. A story about Sophie Monk in a bikini. Then in a wetsuit. Then stripping out of that wetsuit while taking a shower and now she's just in a bikini. It's basically The Greatest Story Ever Told, and I'll fight to the death anyone that says otherwise. UPDATE: Even God agrees. Check out this e-mail: The Superficial, That shit straight PWNED The Bible. Ha, what was I thinking with the plagues and talking donkeys? If you want to tell a story and tell it right, you use bikinis. I'll remember that next time for "The Bible 2: Now with More Lightsaber Fights." Keep it real, Big Dong G Upstairs
Check her Bush pic ;)

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Photos: Pacific Coast News

Kim Kardashian's ass is starting to get ridiculous

Kim Kardashian went jewelry shopping yesterday, and she has definitely moved past simple butt padding by going straight to shoving a sawed in half globe down her ass. Jesus. That's not even hot unless I was a perverted cartographer. Which I'm not anymore ever since they kicked me off the "Map to Pussytown" project. That was my life's work, you jerks!

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Photos: Flynet

Kim Kardashian may dance with 'stars' if your definition of the word includes Mario Lopez

Kim Kardashian addressed the rumors that she'll appear on the next season of ABC's Dancing with the Stars. Hopefully, the stage is being reinforced using NASA technology, or a bunch of "celebrities" that time forgot will meet an untimely doom. People reports:

“I don’t know where that’s coming from, I can’t really comment on that,” the Keeping Up with the Kardashians star told Ryan Seacrest during a call-in Thursday to his KIIS-FM show. Still, Kardashian admitted she “would be honored if they asked me.”
While Kardashian confessed she doesn’t know her way around a ballroom dancefloor, she joked, “I can get down in a club.”

Anyone get the feeling Kim Kardashian is about to dump Reggie Bush for Gumby? Don't worry, it'll come to you. In the meantime, Kim can definitely get down in a club alright. A club sandwich! HA CHA CHA CH- I'm going to pour steaming hot coffee on my face.

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Photos: INFdaily.com

Madonna is- Holy crap, that's a zombie

We've secretly replaced pop-star Madonna with a rapidly decomposing corpse. Let's see if Lourdes Leon notices...

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Photos: NY Daily News, Splash News

Elisabetta Gregoraci still wearing a bikini, still digging that gold

Here's some new bikini shots of Wonderbra model Elisabetta Gregoraci at Blue Beach with her husband Flavio Briatore. If anything, I hope these pictures will inspire you. You see, folks, with a little hard work and determination, anyone can grow up to become a fat rich Italian guy who buys and sells models like they're baseball cards - with breasts. Dream big, everybody!

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Photos: Flynet

Britney Spears gets her bikini on, my eyes suprisingly don't hate me

I'd traveled to all four corners of the Earth, and at last, I found her again. This would be our final battle. The killing blow to be delivered by the bazooka I won off an Army colonel in a game of Russian roulette. But, suddenly, there's a commotion. It's coming from- from- my pants? What manner of trickery is this? Arousal? How can this be? No no no NO! "Y'ALLLLLLLLLLLLL" She's spotted me. With my khaki tent fully pitched, I must flee - or must I? I find myself drawn to the creature. I step out of the brush and approach it. Instead of paralyzing fear, I feel strange emotions. Is this how it was meant to be? Two brutal enemies become star-crossed lovers. Yes, I can feel my heart warming as the anticipation of embrace grips me. It's at that moment I realize my folly. I had tucked a Snickers bar in my safari hat earlier that day. Well played, Beast. Well pla- "CRUNCH!"

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Photos: Splash News